Why your situationship is stuck: the 4 relationship levels

Are you stuck in relationship limbo?

So, youve been seeing someone for months. You meet up, you laugh, the chemistry is definitely there. But every time you try to talk about the future, or even just meeting their friends, they suddenly get super busy. You tell your friends, "were basically together," but deep down? You have no idea where this is actually going. Sound familiar?

Youre not alone. A lot of young Indian couples get caught in this confusing in-between zone. Its past being strangers, you definitely have feelings, but youre not exactly... official. This can lead to a lot of wasted time, emotional exhaustion, and missed chances for something real. Research shows that nearly half of cohabiting couples have different commitment levels, which often leads to lower relationship satisfaction. That constant wondering, the anxiety, the feeling of being on a merry-go-round that never stops – it takes a serious toll.

Heres the thing: relationships have levels. Just like a video game, you cant skip to the final boss without completing the earlier stages. Understanding these levels changes everything. It helps you see where you actually are, whats missing, and whether this person is truly worth your time and energy. Lets ditch the confusion and embrace clarity.

Level 1: admiration – the wedding crush phase

This is the very first step, often one-sided. Its when you see someone and think, "Wow, theyre interesting." Maybe its that stunning person across the room at a family wedding, or the cool new colleague at work. You admire them from afar, you might even daydream a little. But heres the catch: they probably dont even know you exist.

Admiration is about initial attraction, looks, or a perceived personality. Its surface-level. Theres no interaction, no mutual feeling, and definitely no commitment. Its just you, quietly appreciating their vibe. This level is harmless and natural, but its crucial to understand its just the starting line, not the race itself. Its like admiring a beautiful painting – lovely to look at, but you dont actually *know* the artist or the story behind it.

Many people confuse strong admiration with a real connection. They might build an entire fantasy around someone they barely know. Your brains doing all the heavy lifting, creating a rom-com where theyre the lead and youre the adoring audience. While its fun to have a crush, remember that a real relationship needs more than just a good view from a distance. It needs interaction, mutual effort, and shared experiences.

Level 2: mutual attraction – the situationship trap

Now were talking! You both feel it. Theres chemistry, a spark, and those late-night texts that make your phone buzz with excitement. This is the most thrilling level, but also the most dangerous. Why? Because it feels so good that you might convince yourself its enough. Spoiler alert: its not. Its the relationship equivalent of a delicious dessert – looks amazing, tastes great, but cant sustain you long-term.

Mutual attraction means you enjoy each others company, you have fun, and theres a definite physical or emotional pull. This is where casual dating, long-term situationships, and undefined connections live. You might spend a lot of time together, go on dates, and even act like a couple, but theres no clear label or commitment. People often waste months, even years, hoping that this intense attraction will naturally evolve into something more. But without intentional effort, it rarely does.

Signs youre in a situationship

• No labels or vague future talk: Every time you try to define "what we are," the conversation gets skillfully dodged or changed. Future plans are always short-term and never involve concrete steps.
• Inconsistent communication: You might have intense conversations one day, then hear nothing for days. Communication is often on their terms, leaving you feeling anxious and unsure.
• Meeting only on their terms: You always go to their place, or meet when its convenient for them. Your needs and schedule often take a backseat.
• Avoiding friends/family introductions: They keep you separate from their inner circle, suggesting theyre not ready to integrate you into their life in a meaningful way.
• Feeling confused or anxious: If youre constantly wondering where you stand, analyzing every text, or feeling emotionally drained, these are huge red flags.

For some Indian couples, especially those in arranged marriage setups, this level might be skipped entirely. They might move from initial meetings straight to a commitment. However, for many young couples navigating modern dating, this situationship phase can be a huge source of anxiety. Youre invested, but you dont have the security of a defined relationship. Studies show that a clear sense of commitment readiness significantly impacts psychological well-being. If youre constantly wondering where you stand, it takes a toll.

If you find yourself repeatedly stuck here, it might be worth exploring why. Sometimes, your own attachment styles can influence the partners you choose and the patterns you fall into. Understanding these underlying dynamics can help you break the cycle and move towards healthier connections.

Level 3: commitment – the "are we official?" talk

This is where things get real. Commitment isnt just about feelings; its a mutual decision to build something together. It means having that often-dreaded conversation where you define the relationship, agree on exclusivity, and decide to invest in a shared future. This is the hard talk most people avoid, preferring to float in the comfortable ambiguity of Level 2. But this is where the rubber meets the road, or rather, where your WhatsApp status changes from single to in a relationship (maybe).

Commitment means youre both on the same page about what your relationship is and where its headed. It requires honesty, vulnerability, and a willingness to communicate your needs and expectations clearly. Without this, even the strongest attraction can fizzle out or lead to heartbreak. If youre struggling to have these important conversations, it might be time to understand why communication breaks down and how to fix it.

This stage is about moving from "I like you" to "I choose you, and Im ready to work on this with you." Its a conscious decision to make the relationship a priority, to show up, and to build a shared future. Its about setting boundaries, respecting each others needs, and creating a safe space for growth. Tools like BaeDrops relationship quizzes can help couples have the compatibility conversations theyre avoiding, making it easier to assess if theyre truly compatible beyond just attraction.

Level 4: compatibility – the actually working stage

So, youve committed. Great! But heres the truth: commitment without compatibility often leads to unhappy marriages and relationships. Compatibility isnt just about having things in common; its about how well you actually work together through lifes ups and downs. Its about shared values, communication styles, conflict resolution, and mutual respect. Its not about finding your mirror image; its about finding someone whose puzzle pieces fit with yours, even if theyre different shapes.

This level is about discovering if your daily lives, long-term goals, and fundamental beliefs align. Its about how you handle disagreements, support each others dreams, and navigate challenges as a team. According to relationship research, 69% of relationship problems are perpetual, meaning compatibility involves learning to manage ongoing differences rather than expecting them to disappear. Its not about finding someone exactly like you, but someone whose differences complement yours and whose core values match.

Beyond the spark: what true compatibility looks like

• Shared vision for the future: Do you both want similar things out of life – family, career, lifestyle? Its okay to have different paths, but your ultimate destinations should align.
• Respect for differences: You dont have to agree on everything, but you must respect each others opinions, beliefs, and personal space.
• Effective conflict resolution: Arguments are inevitable. Compatibility means you can fight fair, listen to each other, and find resolutions that work for both of you, rather than letting resentment fester.
• Mutual support for personal growth: Your partner should be your biggest cheerleader, encouraging you to pursue your dreams and grow as an individual.
• Comfortable silence: You can simply exist together without needing to fill every moment with conversation. This indicates a deep level of comfort and acceptance.

Research identifies 24 distinct factors of romantic compatibility, with similarities in lifestyle, opinions, and morals emerging as key facets. This means looking beyond the initial spark and seeing if your lives truly fit together in a way that brings joy and growth, not constant friction. Its about building a partnership that feels effortless, even when life gets hard.

Breaking the cycle: moving forward with clarity

Acknowledging youre in a situationship, or that your relationship isnt progressing, can be tough. Its easy to get comfortable in the ambiguity, hoping things will magically change. But you deserve clarity and intentionality in your connections. You deserve a relationship that makes you feel secure, valued, and excited about the future, not anxious and confused.

Moving forward requires self-reflection and courage. Ask yourself: What do I truly want? Am I getting my needs met? Am I willing to have the hard conversations? Setting clear boundaries and communicating your expectations is crucial. If your partner isnt willing to meet you at the next level, it might be time to consider if this relationship is truly serving your highest good. Sometimes, walking away from whats comfortable opens the door to whats truly meant for you.

Conclusion

Understanding these four relationship levels can save you a lot of heartache and confusion. It helps you identify where you are, what needs to happen next, and whether your current relationship has the potential to grow into something truly fulfilling. Dont settle for limbo; demand clarity and intentionality in your connections.

Remember, a healthy relationship isnt always easy, but it shouldnt constantly drain you. If youre unsure about the dynamics, its worth learning the difference between healthy challenges and toxic patterns.

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