The secret to self-love: why letting go makes you stronger

The wilting balloon: why holding on too tight hurts

Remember being a kid at a mela, clutching a brightly coloured balloon? You held it so tight, terrified it would float away. But what happened? The balloon slowly wilted, losing its bounce and its vibrant colour. You were still holding it, but it was just... sad. Thats often what happens when we cling to relationships too tightly. We believe love means never letting go, but sometimes, the most profound act of love—for ourselves and for the other person—is to gently release.

Letting go doesnt mean you failed. It doesnt mean you didnt try hard enough or didnt love deeply. It means you loved yourself enough to recognise when something stopped serving your highest good. The fear of the unknown, the comfort of familiarity, or the sunk cost fallacy (investing so much that you feel you cant quit) often keeps us tethered to situations that are slowly draining our spirit. We convince ourselves that its not that bad or things will get better, even when all signs point to a different truth. This internal struggle is incredibly painful, a constant tug-of-war between hope and reality.

Take Kavya, for instance. She was in a four-year relationship that, on paper, looked perfect. Her partner had a stable job, a respectable family, and her parents approved wholeheartedly. Yet, Kavya felt invisible. Her feelings were constantly dismissed, major decisions were made without her input, and she found herself walking on eggshells, terrified of upsetting the delicate balance. Friends and family would often tell her, "All relationships require work," or "No one is perfect, just adjust." But deep down, Kavya knew this wasnt work; it was pure exhaustion. The day she finally gathered the courage to let go, a wave of guilt washed over her. Six months later, that guilt had transformed into an overwhelming sense of freedom and peace she hadnt felt in years.

Cultural pressure: why Indian couples face unique challenges in walking away

For Indian couples, the decision to let go isnt just an emotional one; its a societal earthquake. The unspoken question, "log kya kahenge?" (what will people say?), looms large, often overshadowing personal happiness. Theres immense pressure to make it work at all costs, to preserve the familys honour, and to avoid the perceived stigma of separation or divorce. This pressure can be suffocating, especially for women, who often face greater financial and social implications if they choose to walk away. The idea that love conquers all can be twisted into a mandate to endure unhappiness, rather than a call to nurture a healthy connection. Research by Perilloux and Buss highlights that individuals who did not initiate a breakup reported more depression, rumination, and lower self-esteem, underscoring the importance of having agency in relationship endings, a luxury often denied by cultural expectations. If youre wondering if your relationships challenges are normal or signs of deeper issues, explore our guide on healthy vs. toxic relationship patterns.

Signs its time to release (not give up, but release)

Its crucial to distinguish between a temporary rough patch and a relationship thats fundamentally unhealthy or incompatible. Every relationship has its ups and downs, but certain signs suggest that holding on might be doing more harm than good. These arent about giving up on love; theyre about releasing yourself from a situation that no longer serves your growth or well-being.

• Constant emotional exhaustion: You feel perpetually drained, anxious, or sad, even when things seem fine. This isnt just a bad day; its a persistent state.
• Lack of respect: Your partner consistently dismisses your feelings, opinions, or boundaries. They might belittle your achievements or invalidate your experiences.
• Erosion of self-worth: You find yourself constantly questioning your value, happiness, or sanity. You might feel like a lesser version of yourself.
• Unresolved core conflicts: You keep having the same arguments without any progress or willingness to compromise on fundamental issues. These arent minor disagreements but deep-seated clashes.
• One-sided effort: Youre the only one trying to fix things, initiate conversations, or make sacrifices. The imbalance leaves you feeling alone in the relationship.
• Physical or emotional abuse: Any form of abuse is a non-negotiable sign to leave. Your safety and well-being are paramount.

The brain processes heartbreak similarly to physical pain, activating the same neural pain centers, which explains why emotional loss feels like genuine physical agony. This pain is a signal, and sometimes, the healthiest response is to begin the healing process. If youre navigating the aftermath of a difficult decision, our guide to healing heartbreak offers culturally-aware strategies and self-care practices.

The difference between temporary rough patches and fundamental incompatibility

So, how do you tell the difference? A rough patch is often characterised by external stressors (job loss, family issues, illness) or temporary communication breakdowns that both partners are willing to address. Theres still a foundation of love, respect, and a shared vision for the future, even if its currently obscured. Fundamental incompatibility, however, means your core values, life goals, or emotional needs are consistently misaligned, and despite genuine effort, these gaps remain unbridgeable. Its about a deep-seated mismatch that no amount of effort seems to resolve.

Consider Dev, who was on the brink of leaving his wife after three years of marriage. Their fights were relentless, they couldnt agree on even minor decisions, and he was convinced they were fundamentally incompatible. But instead of walking away, they decided to try couples therapy. It turned out they were both carrying unhealed wounds from their pasts, projecting their fears and insecurities onto each other. Through therapy, they learned to communicate effectively, set healthy boundaries, and rebuild their connection from a place of understanding. Sometimes, letting go means releasing old, unhealthy patterns, not the person themselves. Approximately 49% of married couples have attended some form of counseling, with many wishing they hadnt waited so long to start addressing relationship issues. This shows that with mutual commitment and professional help, many relationships can be transformed.

How letting go creates space for healing and growth

The idea of letting go can feel terrifying, like stepping into a void. But often, that void is simply a space waiting to be filled with something better – self-discovery, peace, and genuine happiness. When you release a relationship that isnt serving you, you reclaim your energy, your time, and your emotional well-being. This isnt about finding someone new immediately; its about finding yourself again. Its about healing the wounds, understanding your needs, and building a stronger foundation for your future, whether that future includes a new partner or a deeply fulfilling single life. Divorce ranks as one of the most upsetting life events, with the first year or two being the toughest for recovery. However, this period of intense healing is also a powerful opportunity for profound personal growth, allowing you to redefine your identity and priorities.

Priya had been in a tumultuous on-again, off-again relationship for five years. She loved him deeply, but the constant drama and his inability to commit left her emotionally exhausted. Every time they broke up, shed feel immense pain, only to be drawn back in by his promises of change. Finally, after a particularly heartbreaking argument, she decided to truly let go. It was excruciating. She grieved the loss, not just of him, but of the future shed imagined. But with each passing day, she started rediscovering herself. She picked up old hobbies, spent more time with friends, and focused on her career. A year later, she met someone new – someone who valued her, respected her boundaries, and brought a quiet, consistent joy into her life. Priya realised that letting go wasnt an end; it was a necessary redirection, a brave step towards a more authentic life.

Tools for clarity when youre unsure

Making the decision to let go is rarely easy, and often, youll find yourself caught in a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. This is where self-reflection becomes your most powerful ally. Journaling, talking to a trusted friend or therapist, and simply taking quiet time to listen to your inner voice can provide invaluable clarity. Its about understanding what you truly need, what your non-negotiables are, and whether your current path aligns with your authentic self. These practices help you cut through the noise of external expectations and societal pressures.

Tools like BaeDrops Magic Mirrors can help you gain clarity on what you truly need versus what you might be settling for. They offer guided prompts and insights designed to help you reflect on your relationship patterns, attachment style, and core values, gently guiding you towards a deeper understanding of your emotional landscape. Remember, these tools arent magic answers, but they can illuminate the path to your own truth, empowering you to make choices that honor your well-being.

Conclusion: embracing your courageous journey

Letting go is not about failure; its about courage. Its about choosing your peace, your growth, and your authentic happiness over holding onto something that no longer serves you. Its a profound act of self-love that, while painful in the short term, ultimately creates space for healing, new beginnings, and a deeper connection with yourself. Sometimes, the end of one chapter is simply the beginning of a more beautiful story. And if you ever find yourself ready to explore a new chapter, remember that second love is often wiser love, built on the lessons learned from the past. Trust your intuition, honour your feelings, and know that you deserve a relationship that truly makes you soar.